Water Sentinel Filter: Sentinel Filter - Body Language

In my selling skills workshops, we all spend a lot of time listening - not just doing it, but practising it, and appreciating that attentive, disciplined listening is often the one disturbing shortcoming evident among even the best of salespeople. But listening is not just about our hearing organs... we also have two eyes and they are even more perceptive than our ears. Yes, it is those eyes of ours that can read information that words often cannot or do not convey. In the selling and negotiating environment, our awareness of body language - that 'uncanny' ability to perceive and interpret the subtle facial and body signals - forms a vital part of our listening post. It can both guard us from danger and lead us to opportunity: it really can be both Sales Tool and Sentinel.

Because body language is stimulated by our subconscious, and remains largely unconnected to our deliberate expressions of feelings, it is often more reliable than verbal communication. It may even contradict what is being said, and act as a lie detector. Indeed it is used for that very purpose in areas like law enforcement. Short, almost indiscernible, movements of the head, eyes and mouth can easily be lost to an untrained observer. Called micro-expressions, or truth-flashes, these are reactions too impulsive to be filtered by the conscious mind. In a fraction of a second these glimpses can deliver critical insights. They can uncover covert reactions to happiness, sadness, and surprise, or reveal potentially distracting concerns like frustration, anger, and fear. Even attempts to conceal deeply personalised feelings of mistrust, disgust and contempt can be betrayed in the blink of an eye.

To detect these, interrogating police officers have long used the tactic of placing the interviewee in full view under strong lighting with at least two witnesses to ensure they can 'see' the truth. In recent times it has become common practice to have expert observers on hand, or reviewing video footage, to translate body language signals in court proceedings. As it would be naïve to think that lies, half-truths, and pretence don't exist in the commercial world, it should come as no surprise then, that body language has a vital role to play here too. Perception of these micro-expressions can definitely give buyers and sellers an unfair advantage, just as it does for serious poker players and professional interviewers.

It even plays a key role in entertainment. Good comedians usually get their best laughs by delivering punch lines that are deliberately, but embarrassingly, out of sync with their facial and body expressions. On a more serious note, while the 'over-the-top' physical expression of the silent movie days may well be behind us, a classic illustration of the subtleties of body language can still be found on the stage and set, watching students in acting classes struggling to get into character. Even when comfortable with their lines, they often fight to overcome conflicts when their natural style or personal opinion triggers body language reactions that are out of step with that required by the script, or in conflict with the delicate nuances demanded by the director. This is one of the most difficult aspects of their training, because although we do know that facial and body language stems from deep within, and we accept that it is largely involuntary, manipulating it with any real consistency is still very difficult to master.

An everyday illustration of this is the simple task of crossing our arms. We do it the same way every time, usually left over right for right-handers. If we are asked to reverse it, it needs a bit of thought. There are some among us who find it downright difficult to do. Try it yourself now, and see how you go. Even once you have consciously done it 'unnaturally', you can be sure you'll find yourself doing it the same old way the very next time you happen to cross your arms.

Structurally, body language is not unlike our verbal language. Actions are usually combined into clusters or sentences to give them context, and can be quite unreliable if read in isolation. For example, when combined with other signs, rubbing our hands together usually signals anticipation or expectation of good things to come, whereas on its own, it may mean nothing more than we are cold and are trying to warm our hands.

Ironically we do know and appreciate most of the common signs, and when prompted can demonstrate them on command. Children play happy face/sad face from a very early age, and most adults are proficient enough to win the odd game of charades. So it is not necessarily the basic dictionary of signs that challenges us. We do seem to know them all, once we are reminded of them. In my workshop sessions, I conduct a very simple exercise to demonstrate this.

Each of the participants is given a card containing a single word to describe a basic expression - for example, fear, doubt, agreement, mistrust, contentment and so on. At random, each is called upon to act out the expression, with the others in the group having to recognise it without prompting. Over-acting is allowed, and exaggeration is all too common. Via a variety of physical combinations, often more inventive than they would be in the real world, everybody manages to effectively convey their message to the others.

It seems that we all do possess a reasonable body language vocabulary, and that all we need to do to become more proficient at it is to raise our sense of awareness. We simply need to recognise the importance of it, then train and discipline ourselves to always be watching for and interpreting the signs. In particular, we need to observe change. Each of us has a particular physical demeanour, from the timidity of the shy retiring individuals to the boisterousness of the overly confident. In the buying and selling situation, what we need to detect is any departure from the norm, particularly the very visible indications that show a change of confidence or a hint of untruth.

I urge my trainees to remember this home-grown axiom of mine - 'Gaining an insight through detection is a far better option than allowing an oversight through deception'. There is no substitute for practice, and if playing charades every night with your partner gets a bit much, try watching a bit of television with the volume turned down low, then as you get a better grasp of the plot, turn the sound off altogether. Even without the ability to lip-read, most of us can glean enough from the gestures to follow a typical action movie in silence.

With a bit of dedication, you'll be an expert in no time, but just a word of warning here for all the males among us - no matter how well you do at this, you will forever be playing catch-up with your female colleagues. I'm a great believer in equality, but the fact is, males are not the equal of their female counterparts in this department. No doubt tied in some way to the biological demands of motherhood to instinctively recognise the needs of a new born baby, women are far better equipped for this than men. They really do seem to have that so-called sixth sense. To them, the signs are far more transparent, giving them a very real edge in the intuition stakes, particularly down in the deeper waters of feelings and trust.

Many of my trainees have confided in me that dedicating the time to become more aware of body language has been nothing short of a revelation, adding a whole new dimension, not only to their negotiating prowess, but to their understanding of everything that is going on around them. Many can't believe what they have been missing in all those day-to-day life events that have been playing out 'invisibly' before them. Via the course appraisal feedback from the live sessions, the body language topic consistently rates as the most valuable contribution.

Since any reasonable study of body language deserves much greater coverage than I can give it here, I can but draw your attention to a few of the main characteristics and offer a few suggestions as to what general areas to look into. I hope this is not too little so as to confuse you, but enough to encourage you to pursue this topic much further. To create an agenda for this exciting pursuit, here are the main categories of face and body language that participants discuss, act out, and try to perfect in my live workshops:

Territories and Zones - each of us has a personal space, and it varies in accordance with what we are accustomed to. Urban dwellers, used to the hustle and bustle of city life, have a very small non-intrusion zone, which can be no more than a metre or so; country folk, used to wide open spaces, are usually uncomfortable with that sort of closeness, happy enough to greet each other from several metres away.

Unwanted infringement of the other person's personal zone can intimidate, and in the extreme, actually become threatening. On the other hand, remaining too distant can appear unfriendly. There is a very old expression - a bit extreme, but very memorable - 'If you venture too far into someone else's personal space, it had better be to either kiss them or kill them'.

Space invasion has residual and transitory elements to it as well. For example, in public places, we 'own' the seat we have just been sitting in, we indignantly claim rights to our place in the queue, and generally adopt a 'squatter' mentality based on prior positioning or usage. It seems that we stake our claim to a personal territory wherever we go and whatever we do. Being sensitive to another's territory - real, assumed, or historical - is therefore a vital social skill.

Palm gestures - these are very obvious signs and there are many observations we can make. Generally an open or upturned palm signifies openness, invitation, and friendship, while a down-turned palm is usually a sign of demand or superiority. A clear example of this would be someone ushering others to their seats, where the arm extended with up-turned palm would be seen as an invitation to take a seat, compared with a down-turned palm which would be taken as a directive to be seated. Variations of the closed palm, or fist, generally show aggression, frustration, or even anger; extension of the fingers and thumbs can add even more graphic indications, from the extremes of 'pointing a finger' to 'giving it the thumbs up'.

Hand/arm gestures - most of these are familiar, from an upraised hand signalling stop and a clenched fist indicating frustration, to hands forming a steeple showing contemplation. Hands held palm-in-palm behind the back indicate authority, an example you may have noticed in various news reports showing members of the Royal Family, military leaders, or senior politicians inspecting the troops on parade. Subtle hand movements to various parts of the head such as mouth, nose, ear, and eye have very distinct meanings, from lying to boredom, and will often provide a very obvious and easily-read contradiction of the spoken message.

Arm and leg barriers - pronounced crossing of arms in front of the body, and tight crossing of legs generally sends a negative or protective sign. More subtle use of the arms or legs as a barrier usually denotes insecurity. However, this is one where we must be careful not to jump to conclusions. Loosely-crossed arms, as an isolated gesture, can be misread. In some circumstances, it is simply the most comfortable and restful way to sit or stand, yet we still tend to read it in a negative way. To be safe, we really do need to look for other supporting signs.

Eye signals - we all know these, from the stare of surprise, to the downward look of thoughtfulness, to the sidewards look of doubt. More subtle pupil movements can even predict the other party's next move. For example, upwards to the left indicates they are reflecting on something; as the pupils move across to the top right, they are planning how to act on it. Pupil size and positioning is often enough, but combined with widening or narrowing of the eyes and raising and lowering of the protective brow, our eyes have a language all of their own. For example, we accept that a genuine smile is one of the most disarming and contagious gestures we can make, but it is the eyes, not the mouth, which will subtly show if the smile is fake or real. At the other end of the scale, thinning or pursing of the lips may merely indicate thoughtfulness, but when the brow lowers centrally in towards the nose, then the eyes roll intensely up towards it, we are seeing signs of concern, perhaps even anger.

Have you ever noticed how feelings are expressed in animated movies, even basic cartoons? Next time you have the chance, take a close look - it's all in the eyes. Yes, it is said that the eye is the window to the soul. Whether we are negotiating, debating, selling, acting, or just plain romancing, there is no truer expression.

Voice signals - we have covered some of these aspects earlier, but watch for accentuated changes in tone and inflection and be very aware of prolonged pauses. We need to watch as well as listen, as these vocal variations tend to indicate that there should be accompanying visual signals on offer. For example, rarely will a speaker deliberately pause for effect without adopting a telling facial expression to qualify their position, and to guide your response.

Ownership gestures - we need to be attentive to those signs indicating cherished or prohibited territory. Have you ever seen a photograph of a young man with his car in which he is not leaning on it or touching it in some way, or of a young bride clutching the arm of her very own husband - or indeed the bridegroom affectionately touching his bride to show the world that she is his? In our selling and negotiating situation, ownership gestures are critical, and just like the territorial issues, can have an historical component.

Firstly in the early qualifying stages of a sale, previous or existing product ownership can reveal much of the customer's wants and needs, likes and dislikes, and should be a key line of questioning. At the closing stages, one of the most graphic of all buying signals is where the customer begins to own the product, taking virtual possession of it by moving closer to it, handling it, even wearing it or trying it out.

Ownership is not just about physical things either; it is just as important in a negotiation or debate. As others come round to our way of thinking, they will give visual signs to show agreement. The common 'knowing' signs such as nodding and contemplative head-tilting will give us clear indications that they are beginning to take ownership of the idea. It is critical that we not miss these vital buying signs across the sales desk or negotiating table; they can be not only time savers, but genuine game-changers.

Copying and mirroring - if someone creates a favourable impression in us, we will often ape their movements or position. Hands-behind-heads in the seating position is a very common example, and is a (mainly) male gesture to not only signal acceptance, but also equality. Undoubtedly, the most vivid illustration of the involuntary and contagious nature of mirroring is the yawn. If we see someone with mouth ajar, or spot even so much as a stifled yawn, it seems that we just can't help ourselves. In our selling environment, seeing our customer mirror our stance and movements is a good early sign of rapport - although, it must be said that reciprocal yawning doesn't count.

From our side, we can create powerful non-verbal suggestions by mirroring the other party. Modern studies of the influence of hypnotics in selling suggest that making ourselves appear more like our customer lowers buyer resistance and, combined with our matching conversational techniques, makes them more susceptible to our suggestions and recommendations.

Body lowering - in modern culture outside countries like Japan, the formal courtesy of bowing is no longer common, but informal signs of respect can still be seen in the form of head-nodding and hat-tipping. Lowering the head remains a sign of submissiveness, even in today's cultural environment. Not as pronounced in adults as it was during childhood, it is nevertheless still noticeable. For example, people entering a room where there is a meeting in progress will 'stoop' back to their seats, the lowering of their profile being a subconscious attempt to avoid disruption.

Use of pointers - pointers, even pens and pencils or our own finger, can be used very effectively to draw a person's eyes away from a screen or page back to ours just by tracing the movement. This is a valuable tool to prevent distraction and is used by experienced presenters to control eye contact. Even the body itself gives us valuable signs, particularly our feet, invariably pointing to where our mind wants our body to go.

Seating arrangements - can denote power plays through the positioning of barriers such as counters and desks. Full sight of each other is the best option for willing and honest discussion. For example, the layout within a meeting room can have a real impact on the willingness of participants to interact, and experienced presenters and negotiators are very attentive to matching the seating configuration to the desired meeting atmosphere.

In the open showroom selling environment, we will often find ourselves standing in a triangular arrangement relative to the three focal points - our customer, the product and ourselves. It's important to keep it this way and to avoid coming between the customer and the product. In the trade selling situation, we need to avoid circumstances that present us with barriers or uncomfortable conversational settings. Sales representatives calling on retailers and tradespeople often encounter the problem of having to conduct the sales interview in the middle of a showroom or worksite. A much better option is to negotiate the quiet corner of an office or meeting room to allow full and uninterrupted visual communications.

In the negotiating environment, we often refer to the 'negotiating table'. Fine, but unless we are deliberately setting out to manipulate the degree of interaction and cooperation, let's make sure it is round. 'Having a round table discussion' is more than just an expression; with no long and short sides, edges, corners, or barriers, a round table invites open and fruitful discussion.

Water Sentinel Filter

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Sentinel Filter - Body Language - Sales Tool or Sentinel?

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